understanding & overcoming anger

One of the culprits of self righteous anger is emotional reasoning. I think, feel,believe
passionately that I am morally right. After all it feels right, and I give in to my emotion and act
with anger in my heart, my being, & my consciousness. I am not saying there are not external
things that we would wish to rectify. There is a big world with a lot of problems. We need
passion. But passion must not overrule our reasoning capacities. Hence the warning and
danger flag of the presence of anger. Anger generally has more to do with fear and a hurt ego
than reality. Anger generally many times is disproportionate to the problem.

Abu Huraira reported God's Messenger as saying, "the strong man is not the good wrestler;
the strong man is only he who controls himself when he is angry." Islam. Hadith of Bukhari
and Muslim.

Anger deprives a sage of his wisdom, a prophet of his vision. Judaism. Talmud, Pesahim 66b.

He is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who takes
a city. Judaism and Christianity Proverbs 16.32

At the bottom of a negative emotion, is many times a negative label. This happens X. Ask, and
what does this mean? It means I can't stand it. Ask, and what does this mean? It means it is not
fair. Ask, and what does this mean? It means i'll be embarrassed. Ask, and what does that mean?
It means i'll look like or feel like an idiot or unattractive etc. At the bottom of most negative
emotions are fear, distorted labeling, & name calling due to an achilles heel in one's self concept
and orientation in the world. It does no good labeling self, others, or life because of a negative
emotion. Ultimately, I am responsible for self, my emotions, my thoughts, my speech, and my
happiness.

Sometimes conflict is necessary and unavoidable. The civil war, women's suffrage, World
War Ii, & the civil right's movement come to mind. There is bound to be passion, but we
should not allow passion to over rule our reason. I am also for children's rights, animal rights,
and human rights. I do get angry. I am human. I have not actualized. I am an idealist. I strive
to live up to my ideals. I speak passionately. I use emotion. Sometimes there may be a little
to much anger in my speech. But I strive to not lose focus. I strive to treat the person with
respect. I do not use name calling, labels, or pejoratives. I fight with non violence. I fight
with emotional intelligence. Because of these guidelines, I have deescalated in the past
people in school, work, & in public. I have taken angry, dangerous situations and peacefully
deescalated them without violence of either a verbal or physical kind.

been dealing with anger management issues for a long time. I hate it. if you open me up sometimes you will see nothing but nerves. It also comes from my sensitivity and my negative upbringing. was driven to insanity at school and tortured by teachers. This is what spurred my anger. I am getting better at managing it though. But it still hurts me.

I thank you for sharing. It can be difficult. That is why I am into education and child rearing.
As part of the education, an emotional, & cognitive component. I quite frankly had parents
who were not prepared sufficiently for child rearing. In addition, terrible school years. I am on the path of
healing, & educating myself. When I say educate, I mean more self awareness, using insight,
changing, & growing.

Nagging, repetitiveness, and ignorance are guaranteed to irk me. Mix two together and I'll snap. Mix all three, well I still have to fix that door

Tell me to do something I don't want to, and if it'll not hurt too much, I will do it. Go on and on about it, moaning about every little thing and I can't cope. Ignorance is the minute fuse.

And there are two words that will instantly make me hate you if I hear them: the phrase attention seeker, and stupid, pronounced as stoo-pid. I'm fine with stew-pid, but matriarchal pronunciation has led me to despise the former.

Otherwise I'm fine.

That was somewhat intense. Where do you think these thoughts/feelings originated? Are you curious about
the answer to this question?

It's all pretty much down to my mother. As nice as she is, she nags, repeats herself all the time, and is quite Tabloid in her views. Her mother's like it too though. It annovs me when she tells me I know something or someone, when I don't, and doesn't believe me.

When I used to get punished as a kid, regardless of what, I got called an attention seeker and told to sit on the bottom step. However, even though I hate the phrase, the bottom of the stairs is still my favourite place to have a nice, controlled, meltdown.

And the stoo-pid thing: if something seems without to reason to her, it's stoopid. Usually it's something I find reasonable, but it's stoopid. Even if it's me it's stoopid. Anything else is stewpid, apart from these things.

Mind, all the women on my mother's side of the family are the hubs of the family, all the women stick together, quite unstably. They're bitchy about each other when away, and bitchily velvet gloved when in the other's company. The only man close enough to be near this, the other's far away, is straight forward when the Grandmother isn't around and he is. If you put my Mum and her 2 sisters on their own, You'd have my Mum vs. the Youngest, and the Oldest throwing petrol on the fire thinking it was water.

Which is why I'm glad the two children out of that family are, so far, males. However, it's starting to rub off on both of us, which is making me consider sterlisation, lol.

One big functional family

This is good insight. I consider anger and emotional issues as a virus. We grow up and are
shaped by the gods, who are our parents. They inflict into us distorted thinking & irrational
beliefs. I believe we have reason for a reason. We are capable of using our minds. Yet we all
have hidden blind spots, as well as issues that are not so hidden. I am on a life path of trying to
transcend, override,fix the viruses that were implanted into me as a child. Even with insight,
it does not seem to correct deep hurt or turbulent feelings. It is as if it is something one must
learn to live with. It is a disability really.

On the topic of communication, you said:

lightsun wrote:

This is good insight. I consider anger and emotional issues as a virus. We grow up and are
shaped by the gods, who are our parents. They inflict into us distorted thinking & irrational
beliefs. I believe we have reason for a reason. We are capable of using our minds. Yet we all
have hidden blind spots, as well as issues that are not so hidden. I am on a life path of trying to
transcend, override,fix the viruses that were implanted into me as a child. Even with insight,
it does not seem to correct deep hurt or turbulent feelings. It is as if it is something one must
learn to live with. It is a disability really.

And I read:

lightsun wrote:

This is good insight. It is a disability really.

Insight is a gift. Negative emotions feel like a curse of humanity & living. This is the emotional
response. Emotions are a necessity for us to grow, plus to bond. I have ruminated if we could
all be thinkers, and not feelers. Everything is for a reason. Everything is a double edged sword.
Everything is balance. I think of all 6,700,000,000 billion of us having metal illness, & negative
emotions/curse/gift. It's just a matter of degrees. Those with insight, hopefully grow and teach
us as well.

sometimes we need some constructive criticism in order to keep people in line and from letting themselves go. I harp on people too. I just want things to be as good as they can get. "It's POSITIVE bitching" LOLz.

and phrase I coined and heard people repeat:

"The family that bitches together, stays together"

and

"birds of a feather bitch together"

My form of it is an humor I see a woman at the grocery store cause a ruckus with her loud kids and being mean to the customer service lady over 10 cents overcharge for babyfood will make me snap, but I learned to just make fun on the situation and my body feels better about it. I silently make fun of them and that works.

or when I make it to the car and I talk about it with my husband we laugh about it how stupid that woman was. LOLz.

Refocus or problem solve. Humor is a way of reframing the situation & is very effective.

Kindness is to use one's will to guard one's speech and conduct so as to not injure anyone.
Oral tradition teaching of the Omaha

Anger can be in a sense, be a temporary state of psychosis. There are usually elements of reality, but there are more projections unto a situation of one's own unfinished childhood business and unresolved conflict.

Now there are other variables involved and is this the only cause or element of anger? No, of course not. There are other components as well. But what I have said unfortunately holds true much of the time. It is both unresolved conflict as well as role modeled behavior and learned behavior learned vicariously in our formative years.

It can be a plague of human existence. Why can't we think logically? Why do we not see a situation that needs addressing and go about fixing that said problem methodically, & rationally? Rather than waste a useless amount of time, life, as well as energy. expenditure in an angry state of mind, chasing our own tails and pursuing our own ghosts rather than deal with the situation realistically?

It goes back to our primal. brain. Sometimes we can't help being triggered. But realizing one is triggered one should realize their emotional quandary and endeavor to use cognitive principles and coping strategies to re-ground one's self back to reality as quickly as feasible.

Well put! Mind over matter and most often over principle. We are well able to think the way we want, remember the way we want...sometimes I think we just need someone to remind us of that....

Glad to read your words my friend

Ice cubes and cold running streams
Birds

Perhaps we need to be taught how, the lessons are in the finding of the third eye...

Thanks for the comments, Prettybirds. The reason I like quotes or to quote people is that they serve as a key to deeper wisdom. As such they are doorways. Imagine an old dilapidated house filled with many rooms. An almost infinity of doorways to open and discover the truth within. They are pieces of the puzzle, and not the whole truth. A being must be brave to search the many doors and open the one's that resonate.

These two quotes are such keys Prettybirds. I FEEL something deeper there.
Prettybirds wrote, "Mind over matter..." and "We are well able to think the way we want."

Prettybirds, this goes with cognitive science & therapy. We make the reality we think of. It is a difficult thing, but one would hope that is possible.
It also ties in with Buddhism.

Perhaps the trick is being able to think the way we want while caught in the formed reality of someone else...caught there by connection, even caught there by choice.

Birds

Is the important part that you are rejected or that you do not reject. I find it is not just that we form so much of our own reality but that we survive others. Survive and partake as that is the underlying rule of karma. We need to give karma a platform and we do it well...Karma is just a simple explanation of the fact that for every action there is a reaction, thank goodness for that for what else would spin the great wheel of spiritual evolution and cultural revolution.

A river doesn't change itself because of obstacles, it merely splits and divides, or simply flows over or under. Definitely influenced but never swayed from the never ending desire to flow. Even the stillness of a lake has flow. Even water trapped in a bowl has the kinetic energy just waiting to be released as flow and if not readily released it will evaporate itself to soar up in the air to regather to fall at a more appropriate place for that flowing release of kinetic imprint and form. That is a true showing of strength of character.

Birds

You are very complicated birds. I mean this in a good way. It is just that I must really concentrate on your words. Our writing style is different, which makes sense as I am an NF supposedly feeler while you are NT the thinker. But you have much to offer. I just must concentrate more. Thank you for all you have written. Not only here but your other posts and threads as well.
LightSun Peaceweaver

Are we getting any clearer Lightsun? I hope so...